So, 2025. Flying cars still haven’t materialized (thanks, Elon). But we do have AI promising to handle the drudgery of modern life. The promise? More time for… well, doomscrolling, probably. But let’s humor them, shall we? Here are five AI tools allegedly poised to ‘revolutionize’ productivity, and our slightly jaded take.
1. Hume AI: Now Your Computer Can Cry (and Talk)
Tired of that monotone text-to-speech voice droning on? Hume AI promises emotionally resonant voice outputs. Because apparently, we needed more emotion in our digital interactions. It boasts realistic voice generation with ’emotional depth’. Which sounds terrifying. Imagine your spreadsheet weeping over your quarterly losses. Key features include customizable prompts for ‘tailored audio outputs’. Perfect for crafting passive-aggressive voice messages to your boss. There’s even a free plan with 10 minutes of auto-generated speech. Enough to narrate a particularly depressing grocery list.
2. Quadratic AI: Spreadsheets That Code (Because Spreadsheets Weren’t Confusing Enough)
Quadratic AI combines spreadsheets, coding, and database integration. Because spreadsheets weren’t already a special form of hell. It automates complex data workflows and boasts an intuitive interface for all skill levels. (Citation needed). Free access is offered, which is either incredibly generous or a data harvesting scheme waiting to happen. Ideal for ‘data analysts, financial professionals, and teams’. So, basically, anyone who enjoys self-flagellation through pivot tables.
3. Guide AI: Making Video Tutorials So You Can Be Replaced by a Video
Guide AI simplifies video tutorial creation with screen recording, voiceovers, and multilingual translation. Perfect for automating yourself out of a job. Supports over 100 languages, ensuring your replacement can speak fluent Klingon if necessary. It offers customizable video guides and outputs in PowerPoint and PDF. Because nobody uses anything else, ever. Streamlined workflows promise to save time. More time to contemplate your impending obsolescence.
4. Canva AI Tools: Making Mediocrity Visually Appealing
Canva AI Tools promise professional-grade visual content with ease. Featuring ‘advanced’ photo editing capabilities like Magic Eraser and Background Remover. Because everyone’s a photographer now, apparently. Basic tools are free, with ‘premium features’ offered via trial. Translation: they want your credit card number. It’s a go-to platform for anyone looking to elevate their visual storytelling. Or, you know, create a slightly less embarrassing LinkedIn profile picture.
5. Microsoft Copilot: Letting AI Write Your Presentations (So You Can Blame It When They Fail)
Microsoft Copilot automates presentation creation. Because who has time to think anymore? It generates slides, images, and supplementary content. Perfect for professionals working under tight deadlines. Or those allergic to original thought. Key benefits include automated slide creation ‘tailored to your objectives’. Which raises the question: Who are your objectives? And should you be trusting an AI to define them? It also has a ‘Prompt Gallery’ offering task-specific assistance. Translation: It’s Clippy, but with more RAM.
The Verdict? Proceed with Caution (and a Healthy Dose of Skepticism)
These AI tools might boost productivity. Or they might just add another layer of complexity to your already over-complicated life. The key is to approach them with a critical eye and a healthy dose of skepticism. Remember, AI is a tool, not a magic bullet. And if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a weeping spreadsheet to deal with.
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